Book: Zombies don't cry by Rusty Fischer

Five things that bothered me about the book Zombies Don’t Cry by Rusty Fischer.

Beware: spoilers. Also, this is the first book in a series.

                                                       Yeah, that won't be happening.

1. Nobody cares about dead kids

This one’s pretty awful. Three girls who shared a class with Maddy Swift (our main character) have died. Their deaths were ruled accidental by the coroner (who’s Maddy’s father). Apparently, Maddy’s dad doesn’t think it is suspicious or weird that the girls’ brains are missing. Anyway…

Maddie goes to the cemetery and is harassed by Bones and Dahlia. They are our villains. Never mind that for most of the book they barely rise above the level of bullies. Let’s not get into tiny details here, like how problematic it is that the main villains aren’t particularly scary; they’re just mean kids. Anyway…

One of the two definitely super evil villains points out to Maddy that she is the first person to visit the grave – now with cheap headstone! – of the third girl who died. The explicitly stated implication here is that no one cares that this teenage girl is dead. She has parents, but they don’t care. The rest of the girl’s family presumably also doesn’t care. No one cares.

                                                       
                                                            Preach it, Swedish chef!

Further on in the book, Chloe (Maddy’s new, also-zombie friend) explains how Dane (their other zombie-friend) died. Car accident, electricity, blah blah blah. He was pronounced dead, woke up in the morgue and just walked away. Then we get this little gem: ‘No one ever reported the body missing. His parents already figured he was dead; no reason to muddy the waters, right?’

Yep, that’s totally a reaction that people would have. Wait, no, it isn’t. What kind of parallel universe is this where parents just shrug if their dead son’s body disappears? Plus, it makes no sense from a logical viewpoint either. It’s not as if nothing happens because Dane’s parents don’t give a shit about their son’s missing corpse. What about the coroner? What about the cops? What about the district attorney? What about the media? There’s no way that a body vanishing from the morgue wouldn’t be thoroughly investigated one way or another. Not in this book, though.

2. The Guide, the Elders and the Sentinels

They might as well not have been there. Period.

After Maddy turns into a zombie, a big deal is made about following the rules and about the Sentinels enforcing them and about how Zerkers (immoral zombies) are the mortal enemies of zombies. I quote: ‘It’s every zombie’s duty to wipe them out, one by one.’

Yet, for some reason, neither Chloe nor Dane think to inform the Elders or the Sentinels that there are two Zerkers in their town and that these two Zerkers have already killed three people. What’s the point of this zombie government and police force if you can’t go to them for help? This becomes especially stupid when, at the end of the book, the main characters have to go into hiding because the Sentinels will come after them because of the Barracuda massacre. Oh, so, now the Sentinels show up? Sure.

3. Maddy’s relationship with Hazel

Hazel is Maddy’s best friend. Except, Maddy kind of hates Hazel. She thinks that Hazel is overdramatic, self-absorbed and appears to be trying to avoid contact with Hazel as much as possible. I was preparing for another wonderful (#sarcasm) portrayal of a girl hating her friend for no good reason when Rusty Fischer surprised me…by making Hazel a bitch. Not only does Hazel not like it when good things happen to Maddy, Hazel also sneakily tries to go out with a boy she knows Maddy likes. And, as if that wasn’t enough, Hazel manages to make Maddy turning into a zombie all about herself. Hazel is easily the least sympathetic character in this book. And that’s saying something.

Maddy and Hazel’s ‘friendship’ is incredibly toxic. That means that there is no emotional impact when Hazel later turns into a Zerker. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Potential for actual drama squandered. Sigh.

4. The mechanics of becoming a zombie

People who die due to coming into contact with electricity are Reanimated in the First Degree and become zombies. People who are bitten by a zombie are Reanimated in the Second Degree and become Zerkers. That’s clear, right? Stamp (he of the ridiculous name a.k.a. love interest number one) is bitten, but he is also electrocuted. So, it should be a toss-up whether he becomes a zombie or a Zerker.

Internal logic be damned!

 

Maddy must now bite him, if she wants him to become a zombie. Huh? Yeah, I don’t get it either. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Please tell me if this somehow makes sense.

5. The dumbest love triangle ever

 

First of all, before Stamp died, Maddy and Stamp were not a couple. Nope. Oh, they flirted, he asked her to a party, he asked her to the dance. It was cute and all. (Well, except for the time when he asked her to the dance and she said she was already going with someone else and he acted like an entitled dick about it). Maddy and Stamp did not date. They did not kiss. They did not even hold hands. Seriously, they got no further than the mutual liking phase. Yet, Maddy feels like he expects them to be together now that they’re both zombies. Like, she’s some sort of consolation prize. ‘Sorry that I kind of, but not really, got you killed and you can never see your family again, but, hey!, you get to date me now. That’s gotta even things out.’  

That brings me to my second point: you’re not that great, Maddy. (Yes, I realise that I’m addressing a fictional character). Stamp will get over you. There are other zombie chicks out there. Stamp could date one of them. Or not. Either way, he will be fine.

Thirdly, she’s not doing him a favour by being with him when she doesn’t love him. I would be sad and mad (but way more mad) if I found out that the person I am with is only staying with me out of some misguided sense of obligation. So, Maddy’s martyr act is just unnecessary and annoying.

 

Smallest violin just for you, Maddy.

 

Stop trying to shoehorn a love triangle into your book, Rusty Fischer. It doesn’t work.

The things I like about Zombies Don’t Cry by Rusty Fischer.

It’s fun. It’s snarky. The early interactions between Maddy and Stamp are surprisingly sweet. It’s a quick read. Just… don’t think about things too much or you’ll ruin it.